I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
