No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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