a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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