it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize