So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
