Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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