So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
