..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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