the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
