I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
