We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
