if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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