Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
