You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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