im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize