Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
