thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i drank out of a bidet.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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