I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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