we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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