the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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