I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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