What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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