Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
