The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
