Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
