there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
