I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
