Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
