I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
