I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
