I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
