I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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