Non-Jews are for practice
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
