Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.

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(714): View more from California

I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.

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(773): View more from Illinois

We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.

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(509): View more from Washington

You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.

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(303): View more from Colorado

No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea

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(630): View more from Illinois

I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE

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