I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
