I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
