i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
