no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
