the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
