If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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