Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize