I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
