he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
