We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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