i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
