i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
