we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
