remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Congratulations! We have a period
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
