i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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