Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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