I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize