i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
