I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
