im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
