Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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