I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
