Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
