one two three fourrrrnication!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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