I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
