you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
