Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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