I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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