I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
