I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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