Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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