so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
