you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
