im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
