the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
